Kung Fu Panda

The Drink:  Gold Crown Vodka and Diet Schwepps Raspberry Ginger Ale




    It was a cold, rainy day with the night coming on fast thanks to daylight savings time being over.  I walked the streets of town with my hands in my pockets staring into headlights of oncoming traffic while people beeped and yelled out of car windows at me.  At first I was annoyed, but then I realized that a person out walking these days is about as rare as seeing, say, a two-headed cat strolling down the sidewalk. Depending on what town you live in.  So beep away, fools.
     I got back to a pleasantly dark and warm apartment right when the rain started.  I filled a glass with ice and brought it up to my room where the room temp vodka and ginger ale sat peacefully on the thick carpet.  I spread out luxuriously on the floor like a fat two-headed cat and flicked on the t.v.
     Kung Fu Panda is, in my incredibly important opinion, one of the finest martial arts movies ever made.  The moves look as if they were probably choreographed by a highly paid Hollywood kung fu expert that has homemade weapons on his wall that he made in shop class in high school.
     The wise and old and adorable kung fu master is a turtle instead of a gross old man with a long white mustache.  Old men are almost never adorable in my experience, but are definitely slow and scaly.
      And most important of all, the real reason that Kung Fu Panda is superior to all other martial arts movies, is that when one of the characters is fighting in slow motion and leaping and pretty much levitating into an impossible roundhouse kick, you aren't sitting there trying not to remember that it's really just an actor with a giant white diaper loaded with cables and wires and a sweaty crew of dorks heaving on the other end.  Since the characters in Kung Fu Panda are created in the digital world, they are ACTUALLY doing those moves. They are smooth and believable. Unlike that Jaden Smith brat.